Inhale, exhale
It’s a weekday, you’re at work, or school, or maybe you’re at the grocery store or at home and all of a sudden, your surroundings start to fade out of focus. A ringing in your ears happens abruptly. You look all around you trying to remember where you are. You grab hold of anything and everything that will keep you grounded; you go through the five senses hoping it’ll bring you back to reality. Your vision is becoming blurry. No one around you seems real, people are talking but nothing is registering. You’re trying so hard to remain calm, but the room starts to become eerily quiet, it’s spinning out of control, and everything slips away from your grasp. Now, there’s this sensation creeping through every single part of you. Starting in your toes. It takes it’s time and reveals itself in an unpleasant way. Your body is in shock. You can’t remember if you have arms or hands with the way the numbness takes over. Your throat is slowly starting to close, making it difficult to swallow. This is the part where your brain is kicked into high gear. Fight or flight comes into play. You think you can ignore what’s happening to you, but the sound of your heart pounding through your chest makes it impossible.
The whole entire time you’re left wondering if this is the end. Am I having a heart attack? Am I dying? What is happening to me? Is this normal? You can’t seem to catch your breath; the desperate need to escape this excruciating pain is at an all-time high, so the only thing that’s left to save you from this moment is detachment. Which is your body’s way of completely avoiding the problem at hand as it’s way of coping. Our brain shuts down to save us from these overpowering feelings and stressful situations.
You’re probably sitting there reading this thinking, “Kelsey what the heck are you talking about?” well that my friends, is what a panic attack feels like. It attacks at the most random time, leaving you defenseless and vulnerable. And afterwards, it leaves you feeling embarrassed for overreacting to something that wasn’t alarming nor dangerous.
I had my first panic attack when I was 20. At the time, I was under the influence of cocaine. Someone I knew back then invited me to her family’s house for a birthday party. She was driving, and the roads were filled with sharp turns, music was blaring, we were laughing and singing, it was the middle of October, windows were slightly cracked just enough to feel that crisp air, and in the midst of that, we were taking turns sniffing lines of coke. We arrived at our destination, and the entire time something felt off, but I chose to ignore it. I continued on like nothing was wrong, but I couldn’t shake the sense of dread that I felt in the pit of my stomach. I excused myself in the middle of the party and ran to the bathroom to escape from all the commotion. That’s when it hit me. An intense fear that I’ve never experienced before.
Imagine the moment when you jump from a high platform into a pool or lake, and you’re on the way to the surface to finally catch the breath you need, but there’s never a surface to reach. You’re swimming up and up and up, but you just can’t seem to reach the top. That’s exactly how it felt, I couldn’t breathe. My lungs were being crushed. I lost my vision and my hearing at the same time. I was trembling. The person I was with came to find me. I remember falling onto the cold hard floor and laying there for what felt like a lifetime. I thought I was overdosing from the cocaine, so I began to speak my final words. I told her exactly what to tell my family, and friends. At that moment, my heart was beating extremely fast, and I couldn’t feel my arms or legs. It was agonizing, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine a peaceful death. I just wanted the pain to stop, so I was practically begging for this overdose to happen quick. I don’t remember when someone else entered the room, but I do remember when I heard them say the word “panic attack.” So, no I wasn’t dying but I did trigger something that would soon have a major impact on my life. And you would think I would’ve quit using drugs if I knew they were the main cause of my panic attacks. But sadly no. I continued doing what I was doing, and therefore that led to a series of panic attacks that gradually got worse.
I’ve dealt with anxiety and panic attacks for five years now. I can’t say they go away forever, but I have found ways to make them less severe. I will list some helpful ways to get over a panic attack instantly.
Grab an iced pack or anything frozen and place it directly onto your chest. This will shock your vagus nerve which signals your body to relax. Hold it there for a few minutes.
This has been the most effective way for me to get rid of a panic attack immediately.
Hold iced cubes in your hands or place them on your wrist.
Cross your arms on your chest and wrap them like you’re giving yourself a hug. Pat your back in a slow motion.
Hold your right nostril and breathe in through your left and then switch while breathing out your right nostril and holding onto your left. Repeat. Make sure you’re doing deep breaths. (A friend of mine told me about this, shout out to them.)
Grab a pet, or a soft blanket. Turn on a movie that makes you laugh or listen to some upbeat music.
Drink water! Lots of it!!
Call a friend for a distraction.
Go outside, just get out of your house. Sometimes being inside, can make you feel suffocating. Breathing in some fresh air can be relieving.
I tell myself repeatedly that what I’m facing isn’t real, and that it will pass. I like to pretend that anxiety is my biggest enemy, whom I won’t let defeat me. I stare at it directly into the face, and I say “I am bigger than you, I will not grant you authority over me. You may be powerful, but I am stronger, and I can and will overcome whatever hold you have over me.”
