Embracing change
Resilience plays a valuable role in our lives. We may not have the belief in knowing that we are capable of persevering through our recovery, but something within urges us to find the healing we all deserve. We are all here today because we overcame the barrier also known as our fears and insecurities. Whether we know it or not, when our mind doesn’t think it can continue, our body seeks out the energy to carry us through. Recovery requires a great amount of hope. It is the catalyst that leads us to growth. Remaining hopeful through moments of uncertainty can build our strength and support us into feeling more confident about the future.
When you look at your life as a whole, it may not feel like you’ve advanced sufficiently, but if you break down each moment individually and delve into every hardship; then we can really start to see the headway we’ve made and how much we’ve overcome. For example, I sometimes question where I currently am. I tend to overlook the improvements I’ve made because I find where I’m at isn’t as far as I want to be. But when I reflect back on every aspect of my past, the picture becomes clearer. I am then reminded of how much change has blossomed. Every setback provides you with an opportunity to come back stronger than what has been trying its hardest to keep you down.
One day you wake up and realize you’re not running anymore from what has been attempting to hold you back. The pain that has claimed your entire being starts to lose its form, you can start stretching your limbs freely, and the load you’ve been carrying starts shedding its weight. I stayed attached to the depression and the substances because they kept me shielded inside the walls that I built, far away from the unresolved trauma. Self-loathing is at the core of all self-destructive behaviors, alcohol and drugs intensified those feelings, but I couldn’t go without them. They provided me with comfort that I couldn’t provide for myself. Being in my habitual space saved me from the unpredictable encounters of the world. A world that seemed too daunting to take on while sober.
Once I decided to break through those walls, that’s when the transformation appeared. Just by modifying the way I spoke about myself led to a ripple effect. The drinking and using eventually weakened because I started to see myself as someone who was worthy of healing. One after another, everything around me started to shift. I stopped allowing my doubts to stall my evolution, I came face to face with the intoxication and reclaimed my life.
Do you ever crave nostalgia? A yearning to return to the beginning before you started to learn what self-hatred was. As a child, the only worry you have is whether there’s a monster in your closet or under the bed, but then you grow up and you become the monster that you’ve always feared. We absorb the hurt that others have caused, and we take it out on ourselves because we believe that we’re to blame for their actions. The dark that we were uncomfortable with when we were young finds a way of reaching inside of us and then we become too distracted to sit with the discomfort. There’s too much pain in every crevice, every broken thing is filled with it. You can crack yourself open and take every piece apart to examine and replenish with cognizance, but once you’ve encountered affliction, it has a way of staying with you.
The anguish that has been a part of you for so long can turn you against yourself, but I’m here to tell you that once you look thoroughly upon yourself, you will discover abilities you didn’t realize were there. It’s all about deepening the connection from within. If you allow the toxicity to overtake your entire being, then it will fester and there will be no room for progression to develop. By acknowledging our own history, and the struggles we’ve fought through, it eventually takes the power away from every evil force that tries to interfere.
